“But the LORD said to Moses and Aaron, ‘Because you did not trust in me enough to honor me as holy in the sight of the Israelites, you will not bring this community into the land I give them,” (Numbers 20:12, NIV).
We were down to our last five dollars, again…
Due to choices I made when our son was young– to stay home with him as opposed to working full time, to send him to a private Christian school as opposed to public school, to pursue a master’s degree that only added to the student loan debt I had already amassed–our coffers have been pretty empty for quite some time now.
So this wasn’t a new feeling…but it was getting old. That romantic notion that love is enough to see a couple through life’s struggles was wearing pretty thin in reality. Don’t get me wrong—there hasn’t been a single day I haven’t been grateful to God for His provisions—it was more a feeling of not measuring up.
So this particular morning I prayed to God for a miracle. You see, my job is temporary and ending soon. My husband took a pay cut when he switched from a higher-paying job to a 9-5 so he could be home more. We needed to buy groceries and pay bills, and that modest five dollars just wasn’t stretching far enough. So I unashamedly asked God to provide for us in a big way.
Lo and behold, He did just that.
I received a call later that afternoon from a company offering me a positon that more than doubled my current salary. Stunned, I hung up the phone and informed my husband in hushed tones, struggling to grasp what didn’t seem real. I know God answers our prayers, but I can’t pinpoint too many times they were answered with such promptness.
I promised God right then and there that to Him be all the glory concerning this answered miracle.
And for several days, I did give Him all the glory. I shared with those closest to us how God had come through in such a big way. I advised them to pray fervently and have faith. I assured them that God’s promises really do come true , and reminded them it had nothing to do with anything I had done but instead reflected His grace and provisioning.
However, Satan saw this as the perfect opportunity to whisper into the insecure part of my being that I deserved this promotion—that the glory wasn’t God’s but was mine due to working hard and striving in school. And for a while, I forgot about the miracle and believed him. All of a sudden, I measured up in this world. And to be honest—it felt good.
Until this morning.
While reading my devotional, I came across the story in Numbers concerning Moses hitting his staff on the rock in order to provide water for the Israelites. God had instructed him to speak to the rock so that water would gush forth, but perhaps caught up in the deception of his own self-worth, Moses chose to strike it with his staff, making it appear he was responsible for the miracle instead of God. But God is not to be mocked. He instructed Moses that due to his disobedience, he would not step foot into the Promised Land after all his years spent traveling there.
Ouch, did that hit home…
I praise God that He opened my eyes to my arrogance sooner rather than later. Society measures our worth by accomplishments and material success, but our worth in God is based solely on His unfailing love and mercy. I could no more deserve that than I could this opportunity He so graciously bestowed upon me.
I’d rather be back to that five dollars and grateful for God’s provisioning than successful in the world’s eyes and disobedient in His.
“Oh give thanks to the LORD; call upon his name; make known his deeds among the peoples!”
1 Chronicles 16:8 ESV